I’ve come to depend on expectation
I’ve come to depend on expectation
And then defend my expectation.
I sew and send my expectation
And then amend my expectation.
Because I ask -
I can’t respond -
Without breaking -
Or them taking -
There is a world that I am making,
Inside the roles are all mistaken,
If taken, but so many can play them,
If they knew the words and were to say them.
7:29 pm • 15 May 2013 • 2 notes
Letter Of Covering
I am writing to express my interest in the position at your company as advertised you-know-where.
As you can see from my CV (attached) I have the appropriate amount of education that an individual of my age and my nationality would be subject to. I am interested in this position because it is one of those available that made use of trigger words that I have been taught relate to me or are of social worth. Although I have never worked in this area, I believe I have the right transferable skills to succeed in this role, having been complimented for my excellent levels of emotional deceit, common sense, and coexistence.
As for prior experience, I was born and bred. My parents gave adequate love to each other and to myself and my siblings. My siblings and I quarrelled over rights to be and rights to have, resolving our differences through finding purpose and placement outside of the home. I initially treated my parents’ and grandparents’ advice with ignorance and scepticism but I have grown to understand the worth of every personal history. I experimented with social groups, personalities and substances until such time as I felt comfort, first with myself and then with others who would enable or favour such a self; although I am uncertain of the order of those events. I have pursued the jobs and areas of education that best satisfy my sense of self and feed my ego so I have grown to be confident and approachable whilst sympathising those who aren’t.
I understand the importance of what you do where you do it and I will endeavour to deny my instincts, morals, and reactions whilst under your occupation. I also understand the importance of what you want me to do where you want me to do it, because if I didn’t you wouldn’t credit me with worth, so I will determine to appear like I enjoy what you want me to do whilst achieving what goals you place, so that my function is complete with complete cohesion.
Whilst at University, I studied what I studied and it transformed the way I saw the world and myself at the end of three years. I grew to understand that my potential is mine to make use of and that my passion is what rightfully qualifies me as an agent of whatever I choose to advocate. I realised my morals and abilities within a patchwork of possibility of which some others would differ and some others would share and, on that basis alone, I learnt to see the social world as a spectrum of chance susceptible to change. I learnt that as an individual I am easily embraced by others and that love is a feeling only experienced for certain by one. After leaving university I realised that my ideals were ill-adjusted and that life is letting life live. I realised I was alone in principle and that to continue being who I was I would have to at least pretend to fill an undesired role. I then decided that a lack of income and financial dependence were bad for my self-esteem so I resorted to filling an occupation to enable me to exist accordingly while pursuing my passion in my spare time with less and less vigour.
I can assure that you that my eagerness and ability to be accepted, my self-consciousness and my inhibitions, coupled with my desire to subordinate myself to what is present in the fear of faltering in what may be, make me the right candidate for your position.
On a personal level, it is unjust for me to be so dependant on my parents for this long however much it is enabled and granted without expectation. Despite the fact it has been made clear that my happiness is her happiness and the happiness of all who love me, and that we each have one life and can only experience the world subjectively, and that history ebbs and flows but that every sea is merely an aggregate of droplets, and that occupation eclipses identity but that identities eclipse others, and that sitting at a desk is the most reliable way to make a family and to make a family last. I know that my heart beats when I am unconscious and that my brain will never be fully understood.
Additionally, although you are a stranger, I know you will favour me for praising you however false and contrived we both know it to be.
I await an inevitable response,
5:49 pm • 21 March 2013 • 2 notes
Is it any mystery why I look at you when you look at me?
Is it any mystery
Why I look at you when you look at me?
Feel flattered that you attract more than the scenery
But don’t elate or delude to fate because of a glance
And do not hear music or envision some dance.
Is our compatibility enough to date or mate?
Social relations need not relate,
History moves and concludes without destiny.
Hindsight denies that which we try to realise:
Affirmation of a mutual vocation in another’s eyes.
Pursuing the possible based on probable physical ties,
Trying to forecast before we are cast aside.
Because nature, the periphery, fails to provide.
For each one who seeks there is another who hides.
10:11 pm • 21 February 2013
Packages received are less than those sent;
The way is straight but I see it bent.
Unsatisfied with myself, I’ve done nothing
Wrong. Attempting telepathy. Bluffing
A full house. Upstairs I’m screaming,
Dreaming, but, not seeming to be.
Still. Tranquil as a landfill. Overflowing:
Never knowing why the second thought.
This is the time when I used to be taught.
I’m fishing but I’m reeling back empty.
Shun affection. Close inspection. See me
As I am. I have no plans.
12:13 am • 1 February 2013
I must live far from Larkin’s home,
Because Here I always hear a drone
Of familiar history, catering to my mystery,
Revealing all I am and claim to be;
Manifesting the materials of all which made me.
That Vase, broke, and I hid and cried.
I thought I had broken love, or someone,
Or someone to someone.
But how could I be punished?
Or what would punishment reclaim?
Vases break with generations,
There is no pardon for shame.
Home is where time is confided,
Where we first stand tall.
Home is where the vines are guided,
Where they wither back and fall.
6:15 pm • 20 December 2012
I wish to be adequate,
So my desires would be just so.
My dreams would not be disappointed
By the distances they would go.
I wish to be a common man,
So that company would offer no threat.
No overtones or rival thrones
Would fetter the minds that I met.
I wish to be overlooked,
So that every success is my own.
No assistance or insistence
Would broaden my body from bone.
I wish to be understood,
So that mystery may not manifest desire.
Living as truth, I would not suffer the strewth
Of kindling my man-made fire.
I wish to be concerned
With one outside myself,
So that my thoughts could exceed the narrow confines
Of recognition and wealth.
3:31 pm • 14 December 2012 • 1 note
The Americans Are Cheating At Scrabble
The battle is lost and forever lozing:
We have been politically auto-corrected.
They have a monopoly on power,
They have Monopoly.
For each Word I type, they Excel,
My Works push them to the Point of Power.
If I back track, I lose time -
A day for me, a month for them -
So, eventually, I let them
Infest my field of thought.
A minor revolution
Imperceptible in speech.
Just the printed word suffers:
No more English Literature.
Please let me summarise.
5:33 pm • 10 December 2012
Deflated: appearing stoic or stationary;
Undriven, but forgiven, being wilfully secondary.
A lungful brings a sense of self:
Conscious of self-worth, but still of this earth.
A mouthful more and complaisance becomes a chore,
Eyes above the herd - sense of purpose, not what for.
Pumped until expansion: now governed by the self,
Perceive a place in history and a right to wealth.
Growing bulbous: dreams eclipse all the rest;
A select craft, a calling, the only, the best.
Pumped until explosion: all is dark in delusion;
Flying balloons on your breath, certain in confusion.
10:21 pm • 5 December 2012
Time to yourself
Is poison for your mental health.
The solid contents get watered down,
Tangents take you far away from fact.
The constant awareness of your self-concern
Does nothing but to serve as after-burn.
The train comes off track and tunnels through the hills;
Airbags explode and levitate cars from the road.
Moments are momentous,
But seconds singe the skin.
Can time have effect
If life is lived within?
Disarray or disregard,
Give me another card.
Even if I have 21,
I can’t be the only one.
If no-one leaves a flag then how do I know I’m first?
Thinking about drinking doesn’t help to quench the thirst.
If I don’t produce production then does it have a purpose?
Are all these revelations ultimately worthless?
Worlds within worlds, eyes behind eyes -
Don’t talk to me about a sunrise.
I’ve thought more than I’ve felt
And I’ve seen less than I’ve spelt.
7:13 pm • 27 November 2012
*down on one knee* will u marry me??
Omg. Is dis a jk?
No jk, I lv u bb. I wnt dis, 4eva.
Bt weer so yung? Weve gt our hole lives ahed of us??!
I dnt care, wiv u I don’t worry - im just optimistic bout evry breath
I need 2 tink
Wots 2 tink? U lv me innit? dats all we nd!!
I dnt lv u, deres sum1 els
———- has removed ——— as a friend.
3:38 pm • 3 November 2012 • 1 note